Why It's Important to be A.L.O.N.E.

Being alone has a negative connotation, we think of being alone to mean being isolated or lonely, but Being ALONE, having your very Being go through the stages of A.L.O.N.E. time is essential. I would argue that it is a matter of life and death; the life you want for yourself, or the death of your spirit if you continue to recreate the same relationships that cause you pain. There are 5 stages to Being A.L.O.N.E. Aware, Listening, Open, Needy, and Excavating.

Aware: Being aware is a time in your life when you need to recalibrate. Many times after ending a relationship we are so far off from our center, our base, and the things that ground us, that we need to evaluate where we are, and more importantly who we are. Since a major part of a lasting relationship is compromise, you will realize that sometimes you have compromised and conceded in ways that make you someone you hardly recognize. You need time to get to know yourself again, and this part of the process will require us to be aware of where we are spiritually, mentally, and emotionally, so that we can ultimately determine where we want to be. This is a critical part of the process because if you don’t understand where you are at the present moment, you will have difficulty mapping out where you want to go. Knowing who you are, faults and all, is equally important. People will be sent into your life for different reasons, and if you are not clear on who you are, and who you are striving to become, you will attract confusion into your life in the form of people, things and experiences that will take you off track.

Listening: When you allow your Being alone time, you activate your inner voice. The problem is that usually you are around so many people hearing so many voices and opinions, suggestions and comments, that the sound of your own voice is unrecognizable, or even worse; it goes unheard. It is damaging to your spirit to not be heard because it is that inner voice, or the god in you, that gives you the confidence that is needed to undertake this journey. It is the inner voice that will give you direction about where to go, discernment about whom to go with, and it will ultimately be the vehicle to get you there. Trusting yourself and your inner voice is natural to us when we arrive on this Earth as babies, but it is slowly taken away from us as we are taught to rely on religion, education, and the opinion of others to make “rational” decisions. The foundation of any relationship is trust, especially the relationship we have with ourselves. Developing the trust you have for yourself and your inner voice takes practice and it can only be done by actually doing it, actually being still, going within, listening, and then following through on what your spirit has instructed you to do. When you allow others to dictate your path in life you will create a dysfunctional relationship with yourself and a co-dependent relationship with the other person. When the spirit feels unheard it will lead to depression, a lack of confidence, and self-doubt.

Open: Being open to the process is key to alone time, because it tells the universe that you don’t have all the answers but that you are willing to trust yourself enough to experience the gifts and lessons that will present themselves to you while on your journey. Great things being to happen when you show up each day being an active participant in the life you are creating for yourself, instead of sitting back and waiting for someone or something to give you the life you were created to have. When you are open you will naturally do the things that you love, and in doing so, you will begin to identify your purpose. This is the time in your life when you need to say yes, and not to the things that you know will serve your life no purpose, but to the things that you’ve always wanted to do but were to afraid to do. Say yes to yourself. We spend so much time telling ourselves no, or convincing ourselves that we can’t do something, we even intellectualize ourselves out of living our life with purpose because it won’t make sense to other people. Allowing your Being to be open is giving yourself the permission to figure it out without judgment, and you will be afraid, but being open allows you to acknowledge the fear and work past it.

Needy: There is also a negative connotation attached to the word “needy”, but this is the time in your life where it is completely okay to be needy. In fact, you will need other people to get you to the next level, but more importantly, it’s a time to recognize and accept what you need from yourself. We have a tendency to go through this life putting ourselves last, especially if you’re a woman or a mother. We are conditioned by society to put our needs last, and to make yourself a priority is seen as an act of selfishness. But how often do we take inventory of our own lives and admit what we need from ourselves for ourselves? Sometimes its as simple as needing more rest, and giving that to yourself by setting a “shut off” time in your house where all electronics are turned off and you spend time reading or writing or in meditation. Sometimes its needing to find the courage to ask for help when you feel overwhelmed, other times it may be making the time to workout if you are prone to bouts of depression. This is when you identify the need and you fill it.

Excavating: This is the part of the process when you need to excavate, evaluate and eliminate. This is the most challenging part of the journey because we have taken on personality traits and characteristics to protect ourselves and guard our spirits. But often times we are acting out of pain, disappointment, and the fear of abandonment. When you begin to excavate, you take the time to get to the root of your own dysfunction, no longer blaming others, but digging deep to uncover past hurt. Then you evaluate, and you realize this behavior protected you as a child, and even got you through some tough times as an adult, but do you want to hold on to that particular behavior anymore? Does it serve you, and have you done enough work to replace it with something positive that will aid in propelling you forward as opposed to staying trapped on the same emotional treadmill?

Uncovering your deepest, and most times, darkest emotions will leave you anxious, afraid, and heavy. This is where elimination is mandatory because you can’t function if you don’t resolve these issues. This is also the part of the process where you may need to reach out to others, be it a therapist, a good friend, or the counsel of an elder, to help you sort through the emotions and get rid of everything that no longer serves you. Once you start this process you will quickly realize that you will start with your emotions but you will soon identify people that need to go, maybe your job, and sometimes your environment. Again, being alone doesn’t mean being lonely and you should allow yourself time to be around others that encourage your spirit, cheer you on, and make your heart smile.